July 21, 2018

WEBSITE NOT COMING BACK

I'm writing this post to explain why this website is not coming back. I want the ridiculous volumes of emails, Ancestry messages, and commenting on my Google page to STOP. Once you read this, I am asking that you go away. You can thank the cousin and the so-called close friend.  I'm done being the nice person, it is overrated and I want no part of it. This is a reflection of immature behavior of two grown men and countless others.

I am an extremely private person. I have my reasons for being this way which is not important. I have a very cynical view of the world that people are always in it for themselves. That there is no real true friendship. I keep to myself and made it a point to never confide in anyone.

So years ago, before he died, my dad convinced me that I needed to be nice to people, help them, and I would eventually find true friendship. He didn't like how I kept to myself and he didn't like how I would not even confide in him. He didn't like my standoffish ways. It bothered him that I was closed lip and pretty mean to people. It was through him that I attempted to change how I interacted with people and I created the two websites with him in mind.

So I proceeded to post many posts to help others.  What no one also knew was that there are constant demands from people. And then there is this cousin that approached me and wanted help in knowing who their dad was.  I paid for his DNA kit in hopes of helping him. I also did the research for this individual and discovered who his father is. Once I did, I kept my mouth shut because of what I had discovered. There was a reason why he didn't know, family secrets. It is his place to figure it out and I'm staying out of it. I tried to get him to learn the truth but he was just simply lazy and expecting someone else to do it for him. He doesn't work but sits home all day.

Well as time progressed I noticed a pattern with people. People having their hands out, asking me for stuff non-stop. There is NEVER a how are you, everything ok with you, or are you busy, no ask of anything personal...and yes this is family.  Yet, I get the constant "can you do for me" out of the blue. Not even a "How are you feeling since I haven't spoken to you in months or even at times years".

I am going through my own personal issues. You will NEVER see me with my hands out asking people for stuff. I stand on my own two feet and have been working since I was 15 years old. Yet this cousin decided that he wanted a document but didn't want to pay and was asking for me to pay for it. Once again, I'm tired of being asked for stuff when these same people have never picked up a phone to check up on me. It's "all about me" mentality.

So I proceeded to get into an argument with him that started two weeks ago on a Friday night on his Facebook wall. This argument continued into Saturday afternoon. I'm sitting in the library on Saturday trying to study for an exam and instead I'm arguing with this cousin.  So after spending the two hours in the library and I couldn't concentrate, I left at 3pm and that is when I posted the below photo I got from a friend's wall that I had seen the previous night as it fit the situation.  I posted it via my Instagram account to feed into Facebook to drive the message that I was done helping.


Of course, the photo made matters worst because I was already arguing on his wall, people were getting involved and then it proceeded to spill onto my wall.  I wound up deleting the photo on both accounts because my intent was not to make it worst but to let them know I have had enough.

At the same time, there was another conversation that was going on with someone I thought was that true friend my father said I would find. I thought this individual was who my father spoke about. A true confidant that I could share my inner secrets and be close friends. We became friends two years ago or more like I became their friend. I feel stupid in believing what my dad said and in believing this individual was that friend.

We had been discussing studying for weeks for an exam. When we first met two years ago, I actually liked what the person had to say. This individual is extremely intelligent and I have a lot of respect for him. We have hung out, given each other advice, had me laughing, we checked up on each other. In other words, I genuinely care for him and believe in him. I shared things that never crossed my lips because I don't trust people.

So it just so happened that we were also texting while I was walking to the library that Saturday. I was on my way to meet with him so we could help each other study for the exam but also I wanted to talk about some personal things I had been putting off to discuss but were bothering me. With me it takes time to talk about things, it is not a reflection on the person, it is just how I am wired.

I have tutored this individual in the past and know they are some shortcomings and it is their belief that I think they are stupid. Honestly, nothing could be furthest from the truth because I think this individual is extremely intelligent. I try not to come off that I'm smarter than anyone because I am not and definitely not smarter than him. I can't even hold a candle up to him.

So knowing this, when he tells me that he is not coming, I'm 100 feet from the library, I wear glasses to read but didn't have them on as I was still walking, I proceeded to attempt to text with them. I was also very tired and cranky from lack of sleep. I missed the comment that they were ill because in all honesty, I have to move the phone around to try to make out the words. All I caught was that they were tired.

Well, I was tired too. So to me, that was an excuse. But knowing this individual, I figured that they need a little pushing so I simply said that they were not committing and now that I reread all of the texting today, in a flat conversation, it sounds pretty harsh.  I know, I'm an idiot because I didn't think it through before commenting. However, I hoped this individual knew me better than to assume the worst of me.

He then said some things and I did as well. The phone was never picked up to clear misunderstandings. Unfortunately, I was not picking up that he was angry in his responses, I wasn't angry but I was frustrated and wanting to talk. So upon leaving the library as I was walking out, again with no glasses, my simple ask was "where was my apology" for standing me up. Again, never saw the comment of the person being ill or I wouldn't have asked for an apology. I put the blame at my door for that.

Of course, I didn't think that a friend that I have respect for the past two years would think that the above photo would be directed at him. Without the friend picking up the phone, he proceeds to delete and block upon seeing the photo. I still had no idea that that was that set him off.

As far as he was concerned, I was directing the image at him. In the past couple of weeks, I come to find out through a third party that the photo was what got him upset. No matter how many times I tried to explain that it was not directed at him, I'm basically being told that I'm a liar, not buying what I'm selling.  I actually thought this individual knew me better than this but I guess that my friendship has been one-sided from the start. I feel like an idiot and I'm done.  As far as he is concerned, the friendship is over. Over something that wasn't directed at him and over a misunderstanding.

Don't kid yourself as there is no such thing a true friendship. I'm staying to myself and done with this falsehood of people and of him. My lesson is all of this is that I was stupid enough to believe in true friendship.

I am far from perfect and I don't expect people to be perfect either. We all have our shortcomings. However, I am tired of people assuming the worst in friends, specifically this individual. I am tired that I have to chase after people. I am tired that people don't know how to check up on others and always in it for themselves. I'm tired of being nice and I am not doing it anymore.

So this website is shutdown and so it the Caribbean Genealogy. Stop asking me for help because it is never coming. As for my phone, do not attempt to text for those of you who have my number because I'm not responding. I am that done. Good day.